Trying to circle around the finger of the beloved, the fairer sex are deceiving themselves. Instead of creating a healthy relationship - destroying trust, losing sincerity, kill the heat. We have described the most fashionable kinds of manipulation and proposed to replace them with another fellowship that will strengthen your family.
At a glance the psychology of the relationship between the representatives of the stronger sex and the fairer sex can symbolically be divided into 3 types:
1.Cooperation: partners gamble on sincere contact, take all the risks that can bring similar style of communication. This style promotes contemporary humanistic psychology. They say that, based on our own innate ability for empathy and understanding the feelings of another person, you can build such relations, in which there would be no secret influence, pressure, hierarchy. The main instrument is I-statements.
2.Insulation: the partners try to stay away from each other. Communication in such pairs becomes dry, there is no intimacy, no energy. Such people often bring relations to the level of the household: "buy a bow", "take the kid out of kindergarten".
3.War: partners perceive each other as competitors. Sometimes hostilities are essentially: mercy not to ask and take no prisoners. Sometimes war undercover, hidden, unconscious. It might look like all in all, not without incidents, but nothing special. But between the partners is based on the closeness of the rivalry. Men can fight the women in the course are offensive comments, the unfair sharing of family responsibilities or the family budget. Ladies are not far behind. Their weapons manipulation and their military skill they iteratively improve. And any ideas of mutually beneficial relations to this day haven't managed to kill the vitality of folk wisdom "blessed is the head, wife is the neck, where want, there and twirl".
And yet even the, at first glance, harmless manipulation can irrevocably damage your relationship. How? Let us consider in more detail.
"Then I'm leaving" or "That's what you made me!"
Manipulation is a secret effect on the emotions of people on this planet to induce the desired behavior. They are based on game on fear - fear of losing partner. Then the victim of manipulation, by doing so, the manipulator wants, "sadasivam" him, so he did not break up. The desired behavior of the victim is the currency which it acquires the loyalty of the manipulator. Almost here buy the release from the intense adverse emotions that will come after the breakup - that is, depression, apathy, grief.
Manipulative behavior implies that the feelings of another you are not important. Think about it, you wish that loved one was indifferent to you, did you hurt?
Keying in the style of "then I'm leaving" is valid only under specific conditions. In 1-x, the representative of the stronger sex should be afraid of losing you. Someone who secretly hopes for a divorce, it's hard to terrorize a care. Also, you should not use it too often: your partner less sensitive to this danger. In addition, it is advisable to say these words out loud, and to insinuate, if anything to pretend that her husband thought you were not going to blackmail him. Except for fear, a target for manipulation can be and guilt. If manipulators able to play it, the "victim" gets a large number of annoying experiences and therefore is a strong need to get rid of them. The representative of the stronger sex "buys" release from the guilt of doing what must favorite. So you can obtain compensation for all actually - for treason, flirt, spoiled the weekend. It is essential that a representative of the stronger sex really started to feel guilty.
The threat to marriage. Manipulative behavior implies that the pain and experiences of another person for you is not important. Horror and wine is a very painful feeling, especially if they are so pronounced that they can be used. You would like to see you hurt? To have your child hurt? Probably not. Perhaps the nervous system of your representatives of the stronger sex also deserves a more careful and respectful attitude.
Also, the manipulation supports the idea of inequality. Manipulators always put myself in the position "top". Play on the feelings of another means that you deep down don't consider it "equal", "valuable". The problem is that the situation at any moment can turn against you. Blessed suddenly see the light: "She manipulated me, means I have every right to take revenge."
The antidote. Unlearning manipulation on feelings of guilt and fright can likewise as from all other bad habits, replace 1 for another. A new affection is to use "I-statements". Will be much better if instead of playing on the feelings of a person, gradually learn to open their own. "I resent your behavior", "I was upset with your words" - instead of "You hurt me, you scoundrel!"
"You are not a man!" or "But the spouse of my friend..."
Women believe that men do everything for them. It is true that most guys primarily concerned with the fact that they think other representatives of the stronger sex. When the wife alludes to the spouse that his behavior is not enough courage, she reveals to him nothing new. Rather comparing yourself with others - more sports, successful, prosperous, representative of the stronger sex and he was worried that his worst beliefs about themselves are true. If a man touched words wife: "Ah, here Ivanovs car replaced and the cottage is almost completed, and I have even coats no", it means that he already and did not just compared himself with steep Ivanov and drew conclusions.
Because much of the manipulation of the sense of insolvency does not lead to the desired result - does not stimulate the man to change. The rebuke begins to work as a "negative reinforcement" when, instead of praise for even small achievements, begin to condemn, to note its defects. Manipulating masculinity effective only then, when the representative of the stronger sex, it is important to look like a hero in the eyes of the ladies. With the age of marriage many guys that desire is dulled, if not lost completely.
The threat to marriage. These manipulations indirectly support dual stereotypes. The spouse who does not know how to hold a hammer can always use the same weapon is to blame the spouse in imperfection. Each among us there is a weakness: someone can't cook the soup, someone - to play with children and to decorate the guest room. And consider this: if you can be ideal, why not your spouse? In addition, manipulation lack of masculinity maintains pressure on the guys, from which there is no place to disappear. Some of them need to meet the standard of masculinity crushes with such force that they break. Such representatives of the stronger sex fall into apathy, disappointed in myself and in life. And along with the spouse.
The antidote. Representatives of the strong half also have the right to weakness. In order not to break the dear inhabitant of our planet, or excellent dosing reproaches in low-masculinity, or completely turn away from them. It is better to replace the manipulation of this kind of "positive reinforcement": i.e., support, psychological warmth, focus on successes and positive changes. Still there are "Vedic" reception: to be so beautiful that close to you guys there will be no other choice - and they have become the standard of masculinity.
"Then don't let me see my kids" or "Your horrible father"
This is 1 of the worst threats to a strong half of mankind who love their children and participate in their education on a par with wives. To lose good attitude kid, his love and respect, will be denied the opportunity to see him, to raise him and enjoy the fruits of education - horrible loss for such fathers. Sadly, this kind of manipulation not only formed after the dissolution of marriage. 1 parent may set up against 2 guys and being in a marriage, so to speak as a preventive measure. In this situation, communication among women is constructed through the child. For example, a mother talking to baby: "Oh you my poor, an orphan living with my dad, and for baby food there is no one to go, and the diapers ended". These words are intended spouse, and - no doubt! - blessed hears them and understands that this is a specific request to go to the Mall.
The threat to marriage. Data manipulation hurt to start children, their emotional stability, prevent them to develop normally. Parents become nervous only because forced to fight each other. The strength, time and cash that could go to care about kids, devouring black hole showdown between the loving parents. In consequence of age, children are not able to fairly analyze what is happening. Children have to bear this psychological burden alone, since mom and dad are nervous, why even bother. Children experience a sense of guilt towards the mother for their own attachment to the father that deep down don't consider it bad. And shame to the Pope for the fact that you don't mind mom, as if agreeing with her, like a really bad parent. The baby is in a trap: no matter how you act, will still be a traitor.
The antidote. Agree. To build relationships. To compromise. To put the welfare of the children above their own grievances. Finally set aside hostilities and declare a truce. To cooperate to strive for, but if not yet obtained, reduce to a minimum the number of contacts, translate them into business plane - limit communication issues associated with children. When cooperation is elusive, in this situation, isolation will be much better than war.