The birth of a baby is tested for all the family. According to statistics, up to thirty percent of divorces in the period of the appearance of children. Why so great an event becomes for many couples a fatal? Days.Roux wanted to sort out this issue.
The simple truth
The birth of a baby, as a litmus test that will reveal all the Hilo side of the pair. To the unknown to prepare incredible, but to adapt. Insight (because of guidance from not working), good sense of humor, respect for each other will save and nerves, and family.
Causes of the disorder in the family rarely lie on the surface. Many young parents define this period as difficult. Lack of sleep, concern for the little creature, irregular sex life, increase in economic burden - all this is magnified in circumstances of dissatisfaction.
He - dad
After the baby is born the lady is undergoing a tremendous revolution in consciousness. Her picture of the world is completely changed: the child requires constant care chores (especially during breastfeeding), because the mother is forced to adapt both physically and psychologically, under his needs. 1 come the need for security and material abundance. Lady is concerned about the health of the child and his moral welfare. Jokes that nursing mothers only communicate about the contents of children's diapers, have a reasonable basis: activity infant toddler actually becomes the center and Foundation of the aspiration ladies during this period.
The life of an average man changes slightly after the baby is born. He continues to work, maybe leave the house at any time, not tied to the baby, unlike the fairer sex. Of course, the young father realizes that now on his shoulders lay the responsibility for a new life, but on an unconscious level picture of the world is not undergoing such a large-scale metamorphosis. The change of position of one partner (the one who sits with a baby) has a major impact on the emotional climate in the family.
Output for ladies only 1 - stop thinking of breast baby as his property and trust in the representative of the stronger sex to be a dad
Involuntary seclusion, constant physical and emotional stress, sleepless nights, anxiety - all contribute to the quality of life of carers of an adult (and primarily, this role goes to the lady). The situation entails domestic incidents. The fairer sex not understand how you can be irresponsible in resolving daily issues, and the representative of the stronger sex suffers from the fact that it "makes the brain" morals.
If the maternal instinct traditionally occurs with the first time appearance of 2 stripes on the test, then paternity is maturing slowly. For attachment to the child the representative of the stronger sex requires more time and attentive without the participation of ladies will not do. The spouse should be involved in parenting, not allowing him to deftly ignore the role of the Pope: to stay at work, meetings with friends. During this period the lady especially much offended in consequence of the fact that at the same Time can be useful to pass themselves of the duties, say, you're so good to bathe him, to lay, to calm down. The newly made father greatly feel the necessity and usefulness, and for this it needs to receive specific job instruction and sincere praise for their performance.
For any discomfort in psychological life must be compensated spouse may get the expended energy from the spouse is the only person with whom she communicates at a given time. The easiest way to get experience in the process of contention, therefore, oppressed partner will unconsciously encourage other to an incident. But young parents don't have the patience to resolve the incident. Everyone gets tired and everyone is trying louder to announce it.
The dialogue started with "you'll", "you", "I demand", "I already decided" that inevitably ends with a surge of unfavorable impressions. In consequence of this enter the magical lexical collocations: "what do you think", "how do you feel about", "would you agree to me bare to help." Share experiences, say without reproach, his fortune, and respect the responsibilities of each other. Ask your spouse what it means for him to be a father that he feels.
Happy mother - happy child
The result of the inability to satisfy basic need, a chronic lack of sleep, the fairer sex is more like help out of a horse than a good mother with avenues of marketing children's products. Presses known many ladies the straight a student syndrome - all in time for all that to be a better wife and mother, with the baggage of public opinion (what do you want to relax, you don't work!). There 2 options: continue a secret from everyone, angry and hating, to carry the banner of the exemplary mother, or to teach yourself and family members to the idea that mothers needed rest. Be forgiving to yourself, set your priorities, curb your enthusiasm. Living space with the presence of the baby can no longer be immaculately clean, as previously, is quite simple to maintain order.
Young parents should spend more time together, charging the baby to the care of grandparents. Joint events, Hobbies, trips - all this strengthens the relationship.
The status of "spouse" is not canceled
Routine ruthless, she kills the taste and satisfaction of life. Give the romance to the family. Try to remember the rites childless period or that brought you both enjoy. By the way, for those who are afraid of unnecessary financial expenses; plan your budget in advance - maybe it's worth not to buy shopping center toys or jackets for crumbs, and once again to go to the movies or a restaurant with her husband. Happy relaxed parents much better take care of the baby. It's a fact!
I don't want
Do not be afraid of this condition, it is temporary. Nature took care of the lady, giving her a small break to put themselves and their own thoughts to normal, and sin not to use it, said in an interview.ru the psychologist Marina Astafieva"
Decreased libido immediately later the birth of a baby is a protective reaction of the female body, which should provide her with the rest. 9 months of gestation, morning sickness and childbirth, unnecessary kg, crashing hormones, fatty sugar spots on clothes from breast milk, getting enough sleep, chores and caring for the child - after all this lady comes up to the mirror in fear, sometimes not even recognizing themselves. What kind of libido at this period can we talk? Among other things, in the ladies body begins to produce oxytocin - the hormone of maternity, which drowns out all other female hormones, even those that are responsible for sexuality. 1st place in her life comes a baby, and the boys moved to 2 plan. Spouses often feel guilty about their own sexual apathy and fear of change.
However if in the family bed does not pull, try not to reject missus and explain to him that soon you'll be back in form for full-fledged relations. In short, as noted by Astafiev, it is better not to reject your spouse in sex, if of course there are medical reasons. Every day there is no hearing, the representative of the stronger sex can make a lot of mistakes: stuck, upset or, worse, to satisfy their libido on the side. "The sooner you establish the intimate life, the more likely your hormonal system will return to normal again and you will get the pleasure that was received previously, and maybe learn to try new, most strong feelings," says the psychologist.