A menfolk is a peaceful being. A menfolk on vacation is twice peaceful. He doesn`t have ovulation, he doesn`t have to worry about spots on his chin and he perceive his friend in rivalry. He doesn`t have so many irritants as a woman has. Moreover he has not got any irritant at all. Except the woman herself. But this only irritant is able to mar man`s whole rest time. What disturbs married man: 1. Love of local sights. You`ve just unpacked your baggage and you relax and make yourself comfortable at a balcony with a bottle of whiskey and binoculars, looking at some topless blonde who is sunbathing near a pool┘ then someone breaks your wonderful sight with maps and booklets. It turned out, that your wife is a great lover of local history. All her life she was dreaming of visiting medieval hospital for lepers in an island which is situated at a distance of 300 kilometers south of here and also ruins of a palace of famous Mudakids ` dynasty. And if she doesn`t look at a grave of great conqueror prince Nasrullo XIV she refuses to leave this place. And of course she had time to sign up you and herself for participation in archeological dig. Only 200 euros. 2. Shopping. It seems that you both came here naked and barefooted. And the most important thing now when you are languid with the heat is a fur because it is $10 lower than in your city. And when you just have made yourself comfortable in a chaise longue near the pool under a palm with a glass of whiskey looking at blonde sunbathing topless, your wife takes you to some stinking shop where it seems that a mink for a fur was slaughtered by feet. 3. Marches. You`ve just filled your glass with whiskey, put it on the pool`s edge and dove to water to show your floodability to the blonde who is sunbathing topless near the pool and suddenly - bummer. When you come to the surface you find well-known feet next to your glass with whiskey. And well-known voice tells you about some new outstanding unmounted passage through the only Dead Ravine (rafting by Dead river, mountaineering to Dead rock, speleological walk to Dead cave and so on). Every itinerary has extension of more than 70 kilometers. Calk-boots, alpenstock, flash-light and medicine chest with a paddle were bought by farsighted wife, motor bus has parked near the hotel and everybody is waiting for you. 4. Brood hen syndrome. Your wife doesn`t leave you without her care even for a minute. On the beach she doesn`t let you lie to sand until she prepared a ground for coverlet the right way. It seems that you are going to spend the winter or brood here. Then she starts to rub you with oil and unpack sandwiches. You try to chase away troublesome care under mocking stares of neighbors but you can`t. She lays her head to your sweaty shoulder and cleaves to you. She wants to walk with you only holding your hand and cuddling you. 5. Madness on her appearance. A phrase "How do I look like?" becomes dominant during your vacation. She asks you that question when she leaves the room, after being in lavatory, before swimming in the pool, during swimming and after swimming. And she isn`t satisfied by any of your answers. Neither lying "you are the best, sweetheart", nor absent-minded "very well, where are my cigarettes?" nor truthful "like always" can help you. She is scrutinizing three freckles on her nose long time. Then she takes her first aid cosmetics and is staying in a bath-room for three hours. 6. Love of aboriginals. You don`t like her willingness to lavish her smiles on goggle-eyed Mediterranean and to their attempts to break distance and pat her shoulder and lower. She makes eyes to a porter at the hotel and deck-chairs keeper on beach and even learned several phrases on aboriginal language to keep up the conversation. 7. Eve`s syndrome. At first she is shy and hides under a deck-chair. Then she buys bikini in next shop and walks about beach condemning neighbor`s nudist beach. And then when you look over your topless blonde, you notice busty brunette to your great surprise. And when you adjust sharpness of your binoculars you understand that this dissolute brunette is your wife.